I haven’t posted for a while. Usually I would come on here and make excuses about not being good at keeping up with all the stuff in my life; but today I’m not going to. While that may be a little true, I do struggle sometimes, it’s not exactly with being organised.
I started this post with every intent of being honest about my procrastination, and now I can feel myself banging on with crap to push it back. Some people reading this may already know what it is I’m alluding to, some might be able to guess. It is hard to take the step to put it all out there, when that is a lot of the problem; but I hope being honest to myself, and whoever follows along, will help me take steps towards overcoming the issues.
I suffer from depression and anxiety.
I know it’s not uncommon for people to be battling a mental illness, but there does seem to still be a certain stigma attached to admitting you’re one of them. Happiness is a huge industry these days, it seems like there should be a quick fix. A one size fits all solution to being sad. Except that it’s more than just being sad. A lot more.
My biggest battle is the anxiety, it stops me from doing a lot of things – like posting on my blog regularly and having any confidence in myself what-so-ever. I feel like I only have myself to blame for the confidence thing, I have let my anxiety win for years. From missing an audition with my local university to gain entry into the acting course after I finished school, to being too scared to post photos anywhere for people to see. Some days I struggle just to make the short trip into my backyard to hang washing out.
I can’t count the number of times I have written a post on here, uploaded the photos, and laid everything out exactly how I wanted, only to trash the entire thing. I second guess myself on absolutely everything; mix that with a dash of introversion and slight perfectionist tendencies, and something I’m supposed to be enjoying can turn stressful pretty quickly.
It’s funny, a month ago I wouldn’t have been able to articulate any of this into a post, which means my head is starting to clear and everything is starting to take form in the lifting fog.
Now if only I could find a way to streamline all the information coming at me from social media, I’d probably be a close to normal functioning human person.